A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."

Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me". Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program

"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program."

"Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, your ass is mine."

He lost 63 pounds that week.

There once lived two friends, a horse and an ass. they lived together and worked together in their animal kingdom for quite a long time. They each had their different talents though they shared a common one; they both could run and fast. One day, they had an argument on who could run faster than the other. the argument got so bad that it almost threatened to ruin their friendship. They decided to seek the opinions of the other animals in the kingdom. Since it was difficult to establish who culd run faster than the other from their argument, a day was set that they could race and the winner established. The two animals prepared for the race in anticipation for the big day!

Finally the day of the competition! all the animals gathered at their usual ground to witness the race, including the two friends. They went to the starting line and as the loudspeaker started "on your marks, get set....." all the animals in the field went wild each cheering for their favourite one. "Bang," off went the lound sound of the gun to start off the race. The ass was terrified by the "bang" sound and instead of running to the finish line, he cut across the field in the opposite direction running towards the other animals, jumped across the fence and by the time he stopped, he was miles past the racing field. On the other hand, the horse ran straight to the finish line and because he had no competitor and he finished first, he was declared the winner!!! now trouble started again, those who supported the ass said that despite the fact that ass ran in the opposite direction, he was the winner coz he ran a longer distance than the horse and he took the same time taken by the horse to the finish line!!! (so he ran faster). The other group that supported the horse said the horse was the winner since he ran to the finish line alone and he arrived first!!!

If u were the judge in this race, who would you choose as the winner of the day???!

I have just finished with lots of what is called preliminary. it is the things that you do when one seeks to complete some task that they value as really important. with the preliminary one works so hard to complete well such that one is left with a task that appears easy but in principle  it is not.

such is the gist of this country, we have passed some thresholds that appeared hard and the rest of the work appeared easy but where are we?

hence i asked why because the thresholds are always necessary abd life demands we cross bridges but from that, life also demands we look to the other side before we cross such that the purpose isn't lost.

I hope and pray for integration of the totality of our purpose such that we can remaiin disintegrated but let the nation move forward in a way thats better for all of us. for true we dont need to all love the same colours, food and places but we all need to want peace development and a true and ferevt chance to make alot of our present and our future.

I love Kenya

and may God Bless this nation's people

1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find

 

>that when women make love they produce amounts of the

 

>hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin

 

>smooth.

 

>

 

>2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of

 

>suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The

 

>sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin

 

>glow.

 

>

 

>3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on

 

>during that romantic dinner.

 

>

 

>4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up.

 

>It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in

 

>the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps,

 

>and you don't need special sneakers!

 

>

 

>5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It

 

>releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a

 

>sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of

 

>well-being.

 

>

 

>6. The more sex you have, the more you will be

 

>offered. The sexually active body gives off greater

 

>quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These

 

>subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!

 

>

 

>7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS

 

>10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM.

 

>

 

>8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away.

 

>Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth

 

>and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay,

 

>preventing plaque build-up.

 

>

 

>9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking

 

>session can release the tension that restricts blood

 

>vessels in the brain.

 

>

 

>10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose.

 

>Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat

 

>asthma and hay fever.

 

>

 

>

*** Today's Humour

Sister Mary Katherine entered the monastery of silence.

The Priest said, "Sister, this is a silent monastery. You are
welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until
directed to do so. "
 
Sister Mary Katherine lived in the monastery for 5 years before
the Priest said to her,

"Sister Mary Katherine, you have been here for 5 years. You may
speak two words."

Sister Mary Katherine said, "Hard bed."

"I'm sorry to hear that," the Priest said,

"We will get you a better bed."

After another 5 years, Sister Mary Katherine was summoned by the
Priest.

"You may say another two words, Sister Mary Katherine."

"Cold food," said Sister Mary Katherine,

And the Priest assured her that the food would be better in the
future.

On her 15th anniversary at the monastery,
The Priest again called Sister Mary Katherine in to his office.

"You may say two words today."

"I quit," said Sister Mary Katherine.

"It's probably best," said the Priest,

"You've done nothing but bitch since you got here."